Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
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Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Sun Jun 14, 2015 7:40 pm
This page will be for any discussion related to battles or campaigns undertaken by the 11th Legiones Astartes, the Thunder Kings. Most are not yet finalized; any suggestions welcome. Assume for the time that anything can be changed.
- The Great Scar:
- The Eleventh squad of the Sacred Band had little opportunity for glory during the conquest of the Merican hives. Mostly recruited from the children of common soldiers, the XIth were looked on with suspicion and disdain due to their close relation to the Thunder Warriors. They were usually overshadowed in the field by the Ninth Squad in the role of Tactical Marines, and though their size and strength would have made them a natural choice to serve as Assault Marines, that role went instead to the 4th squad. These proto-Thunder Kings were often looked on with suspicion and distrust, due to their resemblance to the Thunder Warriors who had begun the Unification Wars. Despite this, some names began to drift through the ranks of the regular human troops they served alongside. The stories of the feuds between Roc Galveoc and Zebulon Uriy were particularly notable. The two had been enemies since childhood, and the process of geneseed had done little to dull their antipathy. Though Roc had been made Sergeant, Uriy strove at every opportunity to usurp his rival. Unfortunately, this rivalry merely strengthened the opinions of higher command, and Squad XI was rarely called upon for front line work. Their only real action of note on Terra was the pacification of a small colony of renegade Thunder Warriors who had defied the Emperor's demand for their surrender.
The rebel Thunder Warriors based themselves in The Great Scar, a deep canyon gouged into the western half of the Merican continent. Once a normal canyon caused by the slow march of a river, it was now a hotbed for warped and hideous genetic experiments. These Thunder Warriors had allied with a band of twisted surgeons, the Men of the Snake, in an attempt to extend their own lives. The Men of the Snake intended not only this, but also to grow an army of horrid mutants from their new test subjects. The gorge was a prime defensible site, as even the slightest misstep could send a warrior plummeting into the depths, never to return. The Eleventh managed to abseil into the Scar and hit different levels all at once, working their way downawards. Zebulon Uriy, a minor scientist in his own right, appropriated a needle gun and chemicals from several of the labs he came across. He would use these purloined tools to wreak havoc on the genetic horrors they faced. Roc Galveoc himself fought the rebel leader in the bottom levels, by the shores of the Blood River. After losing his weapons to the mutated Thunder Warrior's prodigious strength, Roc managed to appropriate his enemy's enormous chainsword and take his head. However, they received no real accolades for this victory. Most suspected that the squad had simply used their close resemblance to Thunder Warriors to trick their enemies into a victory. Some even accused the Eleventh of collaborating with the renegade Thunder Warriors, only turning against them when they knew they could not survive a rebellion. Though the Emperor did not give credence to these claims, the shadow was cast, and the Eleventh spent the rest of the Unification Wars under the command of more trusted legions.
- The Harvest of Gold:
- The people of Crannorga, who knew themselves as the Thurmanni worlds, posessed a fair number of technological innovations. They had not developed warp or any other sort of interstellar travel, but few of them felt the need for it. Though there were interplanetary rivalries, they never rose to the level of true warfare. When the Imperials first arrived in their system, the Thurmanni resented the intrusion into what they considered their private corner of the galaxy. They had no desire to join with any great empires, advanced or no, and so were united in full against their ancient relatives. With their advanced technology now turned fully to war, they were easily able to fight off the encroachments Imperial forces made into their system. Of course, they were not aware that the Imperial Army was not trying to defeat them. Rather, these attacks were feints and lures meant to tease out as much information as possible. Brennus had slowly been learning of the capabilities of the Crannorga system, and had devised a plan which would allow him -and his newfound sons- to conquer it in one fell swoop.
The Thurmanni fought against the Imperial invaders for just over the span of a year. They were able to repel most of the attacks with ease, often going to great pains to overwhelm the “scanty” forces that the Aquila saw fit to send against them. Over the course of the year, they grew to feel that the Imperium was weak, and aside from interstellar travel, had nothing to offer them. Many of the system's military regiments took to openly taunting Imperial forces. Some even talked of taking their warp drives and using them to colonize other systems, though this was little more than a fringe idea. By the end of a standard solar year, the Thurmanni had driven the 343rd Expedition Fleet out beyond the bounds of the last planet in their system, and they began to congregate around the ships they had been allowed to take. None suspected that they were about to see the Emperor's finest warriors in action.
Brennus allowed the Thurmanni system to rest for a full solar day after the withdrawl of human troops before commencing his attack. The first warning was the destruction of the system's outrider fleet. Only a single distress call was allowed to escape the doomed battlegroup, frantically warning its compatriots of ships like blades of destruction, and wild eyed warriors clad in armor beyond the strength of any Thurmanni make. The THurmanni attempted to prepare their defenses, but were taken by surprise at every angle. The Thurmanni massed a large number of their foot troops on Suleiman,the 4th world, intending to disperse them as needed throughout the system; Brennus was all too aware of their purpose here, and surrounded their positions with a ring of Heavy Support marines via drop pods. These men, and the threat of precision orbital bombardment, allowed the Thunder Kings to capture most of the Thurmanni troopers. The outermost world was a nightmare of narrow lanes and cement buttresses, designed to funnel enemies into easily-slain lines. The citadels on this world controlled a satellite defensive network spanning across the system.
- The Zoth Worlds Campaign (currently needs editing for grammar):
The Zoth worlds campaign
The campaign to take the Zoth sector for the Imperium was one of the earliest for both the Thunder Kings and the Eternal Zealots, notably Brennus' first action with another primarch, though not his first meeting with one of his brothers. The Thunder Kings had been sent to take the Zoth sector, a body of worlds on the outskirts of the Segmentum Tempestus; Brennus was eager to prove his legion's ability, and so brought three full companies of marines to prosecute his crusade. When the Thunder Kings fleet arrived in system, they were surprised to find an Imperial fleet already in system, battling with ships of an unfamiliar pattern. Brennus, upon seeing the heraldry and designs of the Imperial ships, had hails sent to the wayward Imperial battlefroup. The reply he received did not disappoint; the fleet was commanded by his brother Aubrey, the Surgeon, newly reclaimed from the world of Lazarus. After the two brothers combined forces to make short work of the enemy fleet they were facing, Brennus suggested to his brother that the fleets be combined to more easily take the system for their father; Aubrey readily agreed.
The first meeting between the two brothers took place on the surface of Centia, a significant but out of the way farm planet in the sector. The Thunder Kings rode their Stormbirds down from their flagship, the Gloriana-class Long Arm, with wine and food to celebrate the occasion; the Eternal Zealots would surprise them, though, when their primarch asked Brennus for a duel. Brennus, though not prepared for this request, had borne arms as he always did; and so he unlimbered his sword and shield, and agreed to Aubrey's challenge. The two fought for the better part of an hour, stopping only as a force of Centian soldiers attacked the gathered warriors. Aubrey had shown himself to be the superior swordsman, but the High King's mighty shield allowed him to withstand much of the Surgeon's assault, inflicting a few wounds with his blade; Brennus would later remark (privately) that he was glad his brother was not a true enemy.
The two primarchs quickly set about the conquering of the system after their initial ceremonies of brotherhood. Brennus, as would become typical of his later campaigns, spread his forces throughout the system, sending a mix of warriors to each location. In those areas where the Eternal Zealots sent forces, Brennus sent mostly Devastator marines to support his brother's close combat specialty; however, he always made sure to include Assault Marines in his deployments, to fight alongside their brothers and establish a rapport, and maybe even friendships. Brennus and Aubrey fought alongside each other throughout the campaign, each guarding the other's back. Each found himself able to work well with the other's fighting style; while the Surgeon would press the attack, the High King would guard his brother's back and strike down enemies from afar. The two shared many celebrations after fully conquering worlds, but several events would threaten the nascent friendship developing between the two.
Fairly early in the campaign, Brennus began to notice peculiar patterns of damage on many of the foes he and his brother overcame; strange melted patches on vehicles, and wrecks totally melted through. Though he had only been on crusade for a handful of years, Brennus considered himself well versed in the various types of weapons borne by man and xenos, but this was unfamiliar. The only comparison that could be made was to a melta gun, but this lacked the evidence of extreme heat. Aubrey treated this as the handiwork of some rebel group hidden amongst the Zothites, and suggested that his brother simply cast it from his thoughts. However, after accepting the surrender of a group of enemy warriors who wished only to be spared something called "the Skin-Slougher", Brennus could no longer stand idle. He tasked a group of scouts from the Sea Dragons, the 12th company (known in Alessian as the Mannan Drak), to hunt down the source of this unexpected "aid", and if at all possible, capture it.
Brennus would not have to wait long for an explanation; in just over a week his Mannan Drak trackers had hunted down the source of their mystery benefactors. Brennus was stunned to learn that his men had found a force of reptilian xenos, wielding weapons similar to autoguns but firing corrosive shells, and with cloaks emblazoned with the Caduceus, Aubrey the Grey's Legion symbol. Brennus kept the matter as close to his chest as possible, quickly sending his equerry, Ferdiad, and a few of the men of 1st company in whom he had absolute trust. These men quickly overpowered the Tarellians and brought them to the Long Arm, making sure to keep their presence a secret from anyone else aboard the ship; even those servitors that they interacted with were disposed of. Brennus quietly summoned his brother to a private meeting in his forge and while Aubrey was quick to express his his displeasure with this surreptitious display, the two quickly reconciled as Brennus pledged to keep his brother's secret. Although he did not approve of allying with what he called "fomor," Brennus did not wish to alienate the first of his brothers to fight alongside him.
As the two primarchs came increasingly close to the central worlds of the Zoth system, Aubrey's trained medical eye began to notice that many of the humans of the system seemed to be suffering from an odd condition; very pale skin, pronounced veins, and a sort of glassiness of the eyes. These humans were treated with an almost religious fervor, and oddly seemed to be given positions of power and prestige; this despite prolonged episodes of what appeared to be mania and their general degeneration. Though many of these sufferers died in battle, it was not until taking one of the outlying worlds of the sector's central solar system that the two brothers realized the true nature of the affliction; upon finding a large group of these supposedly ill humans, horrific leech-like humanoids tore themselves from the skin of the humans and launched themselves at the Astartes, shrieking and casting energies from the warp. The High King And The Surgeon quickly took to the battle, but the ambush was quickly halted by crowds of begging and pleading humans, who mobbed both the horrors and Astartes; these they learned, were the children of the gods, known as the Kath, and they had given their bodies to these creatures as temples, and as a way to allow their lords to reproduce and continue to bless humankind with their presence.
Initially, the two primarchs were divided over what should be done with these humans and their disturbing hosts. Brennus, at first, would consider no action other than the immediate extermination of all humans infected with Kath larvae, and the death of all Kath themselves. Aubrey, however, wished to treat with these beings in the hopes that they could become a protectorate of the Imperium, perhaps using the bodies of criminals instead of humans to reproduce. The human liaisons for the kath, and those few kath who would eign to speak to the Astartes readily agreed to the idea of becoming a client state, and offered to discuss terms in the great underground chamber on the world of Zoth where most of the kath spent their days in what was assumed to be communion with the "gods". Brennus knew that this sect of alien god worship was heretical, and Aubrey did not disagree, but rather than eliminating the xenos entirely, the Surgeon thought to simply cut them out and hide them elsewhere, on some near deserted world of the system. Though he did not approve fully of this method, Brennus was willing to allow the possibility of diplomacy without further fighting; when Aubrey brought the proposal that they meet a delegation of kath in their sacred caverns on Zoth prime, the High King warily agreed. He made only one stipulation: that they each bring sufficient forces to guard against treachery.
The Barrow Parley, as the incident would later be known amongst the Thunder Kings, commenced with few enough difficulties. Brennus brought along the members of the Horned Gods, still newly formed and with no more than 5 members, and Aubrey Brought along his bodyguard, the Gray Shields. These warriors were, at the time, the greatest of their respective legions; The Horned Gods led by Aeron mac Morna, "The Storm's Eye", Oscara mac Damman, known as "Deadeye", and Ferdiad, Brennus' equerry. The Gray Shields were led by a massize warrior named Streit Kolben, commonly known as "Hammer Fist" for the power fist built into his bionic arm; he could fire this weapon and retract it from a great distance on an adamantium chain. With him were Jarvik Kolff, a warrior who carried plasma, melta, and bolt weapons, all with added bayonets; Iskander Mar-fei, a warrior who had suffered many injuries and was more machine than man; and the Tarellian brothers Vex and Vaas, who bore a pair mighty lightning claws and semiautomatic disruption guns with underslung flamethrowers, respectively. This group of warriors descended into the great caverns on Zoth prime, where they met with the "leaders" of the kath species. The negotiations began quite well, with Aubrey displaying his Tarellian allies as proof of his willingness to tolerate a non-human species. Brennus kept silent, watching the caverns around them, noticing that as time went on more and more kath were gathering and speaking to each other in their own sinister language. It was this realization that caused Brennus to finally speak up, and demand to know why their numbers were increasing. The kath leaders, laughing in their horrific whispering tongue, began to advance on the two primarchs, as Aubrey sought to pacify what was increasingly becoming a hopeless situation. Brennus, finally at his limit, roared at his brother that it was no time to mollify these fomor, but to slay them, as the kath began to summon the energies of the Warp.
It was at this point that the High King's true cunning was revealed; he had not trusted kath from the beginning, and had bade several squads of the same Manann Drak clan who had discovered the Tarellians to follow his party, shadowing them at a distance. Seeing that their lord was in danger, the Manann Drak stormed into the cavern, war cries on their lips and roaring chain axes in hand. Though the kath were far more numerous than the Imperials, they were not prepared for the power of The Emperor's gene-sons and their progeny; though some casualties were taken, the Thunder Kings and Eternal Zealots proved the victors of the furious melee, exterminating or driving away all of the adult kath present. Brennus, his tolerance pushed nearly to the limit, began to effusively chastise his brother, and nearly struck him; however, the High King realized mid-swing that his actions were grossly inappropriate, and swiftly halted his blow to apologize for his outburst. The two did now agree that the creatures were a threat, and set out to cleanse the system entire; Brennus and his Goffanoi smiths crafting charms that would suppress the kath in those already infected, while Aubrey and Galle Nacht crafted a purifying agent to erase those larvae that were already there. After the two judged that the infestation had been quelled, Brennus threw a final feast for the two assembled legions. Towards the end, Brennus read from the epic poem he had written to tell of the campaign, and included several passages telling of the courage the two Tarellian brothers had shown in battle with the kath , calling them "bright lights of reason in a galaxy beset by darkling beasts." The two legions and brothers parted ways, with a solidly forged-if somewhat strained-friendship.
- The Black Moon Sundering:
The Thunder Kings, though not present at Isstvan, fought alongside The Entombed during the taking of Ostium. The Emperor was enraged by the fracturing of the Terran Webway gate, but the thought of simply sending a force to execute his son was more than he could bear to think. The Voidwatcher would be brought back to Terra, so that his father could look him in the eye and hear the reasons for his treachery; of course, The Emperor knew it would be beneficial to remove the wicked sorcerer from the war at this early stage. For this purpose, the Emperor called in both Golgothos, whose heavily armed Entombed would be ideal for an operation on a collapsing planetoid like Ositum, and Brennus, whose legion was one of the largest still loyal to the Throne. The two rendezvoused at the Entombed's homeworld of Sepulchra, where Brennus offered to provide runic charms against sorcery for his brother. Golgothos and his sons readily accepted, and Brennus and his Runesmiths spent the transit to Ostium working these mystic sigils into The Entombed's armor. Brennus also presented his brother with a mighty hammer he had named “Warlock's Dread”. Brennus also entrusted his brother with 2 sets of mighty iron manacles, bound in the mightiest runes of warding Brennus could grave; the two vowed to drag the Voidwatcher back to Terra "fettered hand and hoof as a lamb for our father's table."
Brennus and Golgothos, while working together in the forges, created a plan for the taking of The Black Augurs homeworld. Brennus and the Thunder Kings would establish beachheads on the world, forcing the Black Augurs to retreat at least some distance, and then the Entombed would teleport in from space, hitting those areas where the Black Augurs were concentrated most heavily to keep them from overwhelming the Kings with summoned daemons, and to hopefully shatter their strongest positions while the Thunder Kings kept reinforcements from arriving. Brennus attempted to convince his brother to stay in the rear guard, and perhaps support his sons at range, but Golgothos would hear nothing of that; he ached to get close to the traitorous sorcerers and teach them their folly. Brennus relented, but instead sent a detachment of the Horned Gods to fight alongside his brother, along with Golgothos' elite guard, The Death Masks. At first, this plan worked quite well: the Thunder Kings were able to hold key fronts long enough for the Entombed to enter the fray. In one notable case, an Entombed Dreadnought pod crushed a sorcerer as he was preparing a spell to slaughter a whole squad of Thunder Kings who had been paralyzed by warp-lightning. Across the battlefield the arrival of The Entombed would spell disaster for the Black Augurs, the heavy hitting, heavily armored warriors pulverizing warlocks across the battlefield. Golgothos was on the front lines, exacting a fearsome toll on the traitors of Istvaan V. Unfortunately, the terms of battle would not favor the loyalists for long.
Unbeknownst to the Thunder Kings and The Entombed, events were spiralling out of control beyond their reach. Arelex Orannis, Primarch of the War Scribes, was devastated by the treachery of Istvaan. As his legion had suffered severe casualties, he began to withdraw his troops from across the galaxy, so as to concentrate the remaining loyalist forces and prevent any of his men from being wiped out piecemeal. This action unfortunately allowed a hidden base of Life Bringers the opportunity to sneak free of the Scribes with their deadly payload: the horrific Unmaker Plague, which caused the combustion of internal gasses, heart and lung failure, and the dissolution of connective tissue. This terrible plague had been tailored specifically for The Entombed, using the geneseed profile Johannes Vrach had taken during the construction of Golgothos' metal shell. The spies within the Thunder Kings, meant to sow discontent, quickly picked up on the objective of the joint mission. They funneled the information to their masters in the Children of Armok, who supplied it to the Life Bringers. Armed with this information, the dark healers of Vrachs' legion would make for Ostium with all speed, eager to unleash their twisted science on what remained of Golgothos' army.
As the battle raged on, the Black Augur's daemon summoning would grow to be a problem for the loyalists; even the protective runes of the Thunder Kings could not prevent the horrors of the warp from taking lives for their masters. Brennus, who had remained behind the front lines to better direct the combined loyalist forces, sent Golgothos and a detachment of his finest warriors, along with several bands of the 5th grand company Terminators, to strike at a fortified position from where the majority of the daemons had been loosed. This act would unknowingly save The Entombed from total annihilation; shortly after Golgothos' force made their initial attack on the Augur's summoners, Thunder Kings outriders reported that a mysterious red fog was stealing in from the edges of the battlefield. At first, this was ignored; these furthest positions consisted of only Thunder Kings outriders and scouts, who assumed that it was simply an attempt by the Black Augurs to obscure the field of battle and adjusted accordingly. Oscara mac Damman, one of the Horned Gods and a legion clan commander, was leading an assault in joint command with a member of the Death Masks, a nameless warrior known only as The Butcher of Kaelor. When the red fog began to creep up on them, Oscara watched it closely, knowing that there had to be something more than a simply obscuring effect; the Thunder Kings and Entombed were hardly unprepared to pour a storm of fire into the fog, if so needed. But when the fog finally reached the first of The Entombed, he understood its purpose with complete horror: the normally stolid and silent men began to shriek in pain, as flesh began to melt away from their bodies. Oscara reported this to Brennus immediately, as he tried to command his men to retreat and get The Entombed off the field as quickly as possible; sadly, he was struck down by plague rounds from the fog, as the Life Bringers fired upon the now vulnerable Thunder Kings.
Reports quickly spread throughout the loyalist assault group; Entombed were dying across the moon, their horrific screams choking the vox and disorienting their allies. The Thunder Kings fared no better, as without their heavy support they were quickly overwhelmed by the combined might of plague horrors, daemons, and the assault of two Chaos-tainted Legions. Brennus ordered his men to retreat at all speed, and to save as many of The Entombed if possible; few of either side survived however, only 20,000 of the Thunder Kings original 60,000 strong force making it out of the mist, and only a few hundred of the Entombed able to escape from the mist. Golgothos and the marines he had fought with made up the bulk of The Entombed survivors, about 10,000 as the position they were assaulting was isolated from Life Bringers support and thus the fog. Brennus pleaded with Golgothos to retreat, but the screams of his sons had driven Golgothos battle-mad, and he would countenance no action besides an immediate slaughter of the Life Bringers. Brennus raced to confront Golgothos, and attempt to convince him to withdraw and fight another day, but the Tomb Lord's powerful blows quickly shattered Brennus' shield and knocked him aside. Unwilling to allow another of his brothers to die, he withdrew a rune-crafted sling bullet, made to send a mighty pulse of electricity through its target, and cast it into the mighty dreadnought's motive control; the resulting shock paralyzed the mighty battle engine. Brennus instructed the remaining warriors to escort Golgothos off the planet, as he supervised the rest of the retreat; he would remark later that "the screams of The Entombed were all the more terrible for their customary silence, and will haunt me until the last of my days. But the screams of their father, his pain and loss, will echo for millennia."
Last edited by TwistofCain on Wed Jun 17, 2015 6:49 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Updated Crannorga)
TwistofCain- Posts : 42
Join date : 2015-06-12
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by Uriel Sat Jun 20, 2015 7:47 pm
Sorry I missed this post somehow, but I caught it today, so lets have a look.
One pertinent question though: you mentioned the Thunder Warriors as renegade, when do they go renegade and why?
Are they just renegades from the Merican Hive campaign?
I like the reality check of "perception is everything", ie whether or not they were involved with the renegades, the TK's image is permanently tarnished just by the way social stigma works.
One thing on that however, I'm not sure all the legions would deride the TK for using their similarity in appearance to the Thunder Warriors as bad - deception is a valid tactic in warfare, and can save many lives if pulled off successfully. There is certainly some legions who would be in favour of such moves.
Pretty nifty, although a year to conquer one system is a really long time. The VA under Lumey manage to conquer 1000 sectors in a single year.
Having read it through again, I don't think the Harvest of Gold's story is broken by shortening that period - planetary invasions aren't going to be like nations fighting as the attack can deploy everywhere. So the false impression the Thurmanni get from Brennus' trick would plausibly happen much much earlier.
Also, there are some issues my brain had with the Heavy Support drop encirclement. Mainly in the fact that those forces, if destined for a planetary system, are going to be a huge number of fighting men. Dropping down to encircle them would make the encircirclement thousands of miles around, like imagine dropping a ring of soldiers around the USA...
At that point the forces encircling those within are at the disadvantage unless they vastly outnumber the surrounded forces.
A solution is to have the TK drop multiple chapter sized forces to undertake the encirclements of multiple staging areas of Thurmanni.
Maybe throw in justification for the move, that deploying forces directly to the ground for a ground offensive would have left the TK ships vulnerable to the planetary void-defences for too long or something. A quick strike makes sense if a concerted effort would be too costly.
The story is certainly got some craziness to it! I think it works, although some aspects trouble me.
Notably, why does Brennus so readily agree to keep Aubreys secret? Not wanting to alienate the first to stand beside him makes sense up to a point, but with the xenos-loving of Aubrey being fundamentally anathema to the Imperium, it wouldn't take much for Brennus to come to the conclusion that his other brothers aren't worth losing respect from over something that isn't his belief or choice.
It can be mostly explained away if there is more time and detail on Brennus' deliberations on the subject - have him be vexed by the development and that can allow some other human emotion to be explored as he tries to rationalise it/decide what to do.
The other thing is Brennus doesn't seem at all sure of himself. He agrees to the above as covered, and he later allows himself to be drawn into folly by Aubrey with the Kath. Although with the Kath he retains some trust in his gut and takes contingency measures with the Mannan Drak shadowing them, it's still going on with something he adamantly didn't believe in.
Maybe you want the angle of not being entirely sure of himself enough to challenge his brothers, if so play that up. If not, have Aubrey do some placating or negotiating or something.
It's interesting though, despite the reservations made above, it has me wanting to read about it in a full story, so good job!
Thats a minor quibble anyway.
Its good content, but as I'm sure you know, its in need of updating now. If I remember correctly the Entombed are no longer at Ostium, is that correct?
So overall a few grammar mistakes/typos here and there, but it looks pretty good otherwise. I genuinely look forward to reading more!
Was a bit confusing at first, given the similarities in names which is found in real life but usually avoided in fiction.Thunder Kings verses Thunder Warriors
One pertinent question though: you mentioned the Thunder Warriors as renegade, when do they go renegade and why?
Are they just renegades from the Merican Hive campaign?
I like the reality check of "perception is everything", ie whether or not they were involved with the renegades, the TK's image is permanently tarnished just by the way social stigma works.
One thing on that however, I'm not sure all the legions would deride the TK for using their similarity in appearance to the Thunder Warriors as bad - deception is a valid tactic in warfare, and can save many lives if pulled off successfully. There is certainly some legions who would be in favour of such moves.
The Harvest of Gold
Pretty nifty, although a year to conquer one system is a really long time. The VA under Lumey manage to conquer 1000 sectors in a single year.
Having read it through again, I don't think the Harvest of Gold's story is broken by shortening that period - planetary invasions aren't going to be like nations fighting as the attack can deploy everywhere. So the false impression the Thurmanni get from Brennus' trick would plausibly happen much much earlier.
Also, there are some issues my brain had with the Heavy Support drop encirclement. Mainly in the fact that those forces, if destined for a planetary system, are going to be a huge number of fighting men. Dropping down to encircle them would make the encircirclement thousands of miles around, like imagine dropping a ring of soldiers around the USA...
At that point the forces encircling those within are at the disadvantage unless they vastly outnumber the surrounded forces.
A solution is to have the TK drop multiple chapter sized forces to undertake the encirclements of multiple staging areas of Thurmanni.
Maybe throw in justification for the move, that deploying forces directly to the ground for a ground offensive would have left the TK ships vulnerable to the planetary void-defences for too long or something. A quick strike makes sense if a concerted effort would be too costly.
Zoth Worlds Campaign
would be Agri-World in Imperial-speakfarm planet
The story is certainly got some craziness to it! I think it works, although some aspects trouble me.
Notably, why does Brennus so readily agree to keep Aubreys secret? Not wanting to alienate the first to stand beside him makes sense up to a point, but with the xenos-loving of Aubrey being fundamentally anathema to the Imperium, it wouldn't take much for Brennus to come to the conclusion that his other brothers aren't worth losing respect from over something that isn't his belief or choice.
It can be mostly explained away if there is more time and detail on Brennus' deliberations on the subject - have him be vexed by the development and that can allow some other human emotion to be explored as he tries to rationalise it/decide what to do.
The other thing is Brennus doesn't seem at all sure of himself. He agrees to the above as covered, and he later allows himself to be drawn into folly by Aubrey with the Kath. Although with the Kath he retains some trust in his gut and takes contingency measures with the Mannan Drak shadowing them, it's still going on with something he adamantly didn't believe in.
Maybe you want the angle of not being entirely sure of himself enough to challenge his brothers, if so play that up. If not, have Aubrey do some placating or negotiating or something.
It's interesting though, despite the reservations made above, it has me wanting to read about it in a full story, so good job!
Catchy title, if on the wiki I think it should be listed as Ostium for clarity, but a compromise could be to borrow a line from films & games and do a double barreled title. Something like "Black Moon Sundering: Ostium"Black Moon Sundering
Thats a minor quibble anyway.
Its good content, but as I'm sure you know, its in need of updating now. If I remember correctly the Entombed are no longer at Ostium, is that correct?
So overall a few grammar mistakes/typos here and there, but it looks pretty good otherwise. I genuinely look forward to reading more!
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Mon Jun 22, 2015 5:30 am
Why are they renegades? Hmm, interesting question. In my brain, it was because they somehow found out about the Emperor's plan to replace them with the Astartes, but I didn't really have a good explanation. I suppose I should work on that...renegades from the Merican Hive Campaign isn't a bad idea.Uriel wrote:Thunder Kings verses Thunder Warriors
True, probably not all the legions would deride them for this. But some of the most prominent, I feel, likely would. Although, I have to wonder what the Wolves of Dawn would feel in regards to the Eleventh."perception is everything"
The Harvest of Gold
The reason I wanted it to last a year (+1 or 2 weeks) Was out of a desire to show Brennus bonding with his Legion. Before this, they are totally spread out, not unified at all. The year that Brennus takes is mostly to bond with the men and, to some extent, integrate them with Alessian culture.
That makes a lot of sense. I will rewrite that asap.Heavy support
Zoth Worlds Campaign
Why DOES Brennus agree to that so readily? That was something I didn't consider. I'll have to think about a lot of this, perhaps re-do some things.
As far as Brennus not being sure of himself, I did want to have SOME of that in there. But it seems like there may be too much, so I will fiddle with that,
Yeah, this is requiring a total rewrite, essentially. I would rather I did not have to do so, but circumstances necessitate it.Black Moon Sundering
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by Lord Captain Kitten Wed Jun 24, 2015 4:07 pm
Zoth Worlds Campaign
Keep in mind the Kath are essentially Xenomorphs from Aliens, but less aggressive and more scheming. Their method of reproduction follows the same spirit of the Xenomorphs which is an analogy for rape. (No, seriously. "This is a movie about alien interspecies rape," Alien Evolution, in the Alien Quadrilogy box set) I am surprised Aubrey overlooked this in order to accommodate these xenos, and the story lacks emphasis on Brennus disgust for the aliens. Even the suggestion to 'use human prisoners' is disgusting when put in these terms. It's essentially saying "These predatory-parasitic xenos are more valuable than our own lawless human beings." which seems a poor argument to use to convince Brennus.
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by Uriel Wed Jun 24, 2015 4:11 pm
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:Zoth Worlds Campaign
Keep in mind the Kath are essentially Xenomorphs from Aliens, but less aggressive and more scheming. Their method of reproduction follows the same spirit of the Xenomorphs which is an analogy for rape. (No, seriously. "This is a movie about alien interspecies rape," Alien Evolution, in the Alien Quadrilogy box set) I am surprised Aubrey overlooked this in order to accommodate these xenos, and the story lacks emphasis on Brennus disgust for the aliens. Even the suggestion to 'use human prisoners' is disgusting when put in these terms. It's essentially saying "These predatory-parasitic xenos are more valuable than our own lawless human beings." which seems a poor argument to use to convince Brennus.
You are thinking of the Yaotl, I believe.
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Thu Jun 25, 2015 2:02 am
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:Zoth Worlds Campaign
Keep in mind the Kath are essentially Xenomorphs from Aliens, but less aggressive and more scheming. Their method of reproduction follows the same spirit of the Xenomorphs which is an analogy for rape. (No, seriously. "This is a movie about alien interspecies rape," Alien Evolution, in the Alien Quadrilogy box set) I am surprised Aubrey overlooked this in order to accommodate these xenos, and the story lacks emphasis on Brennus disgust for the aliens. Even the suggestion to 'use human prisoners' is disgusting when put in these terms. It's essentially saying "These predatory-parasitic xenos are more valuable than our own lawless human beings." which seems a poor argument to use to convince Brennus.
I agree with you regarding it showing the lack of Brennus' disgust. I'm currently mulling over ideas on how to change it; I just haven't had a good one yet. I think they are sufficiently different from Xenomorphs, though; their method of reproduction is way less rapey (no facehuggers). Their appearance is a mite too similar, but I can fix that.
And why the hell does my signature not show up in any of my posts, damnit?
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:39 am
Ok, some ideas:
1. At first, Brennus is adamant abut telling the Emperor about Aubrey's Xenos, but the ole wiley Gray bastard puts Brennus off his footing with a sob story (because, well, he kind of really does have a legit one). That softens Brennus' heart enough that he agrees to keep the whole mess to himself.
2. Rather that Aubs suggesting that prisoners be given to the Kath, perhaps he mentions instead that lower level Kath infestation (the kind where you don't fully turn into one) can actually cure mutations, that a side effect is a purification of the human gene-code. Is this the truth? Maybe, maybe not. I was originally going to say that it could cure, say, blindness or spinal paralysis, but technology makes that irrelevant.
How do those sound?
1. At first, Brennus is adamant abut telling the Emperor about Aubrey's Xenos, but the ole wiley Gray bastard puts Brennus off his footing with a sob story (because, well, he kind of really does have a legit one). That softens Brennus' heart enough that he agrees to keep the whole mess to himself.
2. Rather that Aubs suggesting that prisoners be given to the Kath, perhaps he mentions instead that lower level Kath infestation (the kind where you don't fully turn into one) can actually cure mutations, that a side effect is a purification of the human gene-code. Is this the truth? Maybe, maybe not. I was originally going to say that it could cure, say, blindness or spinal paralysis, but technology makes that irrelevant.
How do those sound?
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by Uriel Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:40 pm
TwistofCain wrote:Ok, some ideas:
1. At first, Brennus is adamant abut telling the Emperor about Aubrey's Xenos, but the ole wiley Gray bastard puts Brennus off his footing with a sob story (because, well, he kind of really does have a legit one). That softens Brennus' heart enough that he agrees to keep the whole mess to himself.
2. Rather that Aubs suggesting that prisoners be given to the Kath, perhaps he mentions instead that lower level Kath infestation (the kind where you don't fully turn into one) can actually cure mutations, that a side effect is a purification of the human gene-code. Is this the truth? Maybe, maybe not. I was originally going to say that it could cure, say, blindness or spinal paralysis, but technology makes that irrelevant.
How do those sound?
1. That seems fine. What are Brennus' views on xenos? I mean aside from Aubrey's love of xenos, most primarchs are anti-xenos, obviously. However, that comes in different degrees; Golgothos is going to be zealously "xenos must die", where others will kill them but maybe first listen if they tried to talk. I mean Uriel is tolerant if they hold value to the benefit of the Great Crusade, but get killed as soon as they are of no longer of value. The point being there are degrees - so where does Brennus fall? - as that will largely dictate how well 1. works for the narrative. Brennus agreeing to keep Aubrey's secret after a sob story seems to imply Brennus isn't as hardline as others, but is that what you intend to portray?
2. Seems like something Aubrey would do: outright deceive or otherwise rationalise to see his desires met (not unlike a child...).
It'd actually give his "doctor/surgeon" angle some backing too, and set up some cool academic debate character arcs between Aubrey and Johannes over the science behind such a process.
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Thu Jul 09, 2015 4:10 am
Uriel wrote:
1. That seems fine. What are Brennus' views on xenos? I mean aside from Aubrey's love of xenos, most primarchs are anti-xenos, obviously. However, that comes in different degrees; Golgothos is going to be zealously "xenos must die", where others will kill them but maybe first listen if they tried to talk. I mean Uriel is tolerant if they hold value to the benefit of the Great Crusade, but get killed as soon as they are of no longer of value. The point being there are degrees - so where does Brennus fall? - as that will largely dictate how well 1. works for the narrative. Brennus agreeing to keep Aubrey's secret after a sob story seems to imply Brennus isn't as hardline as others, but is that what you intend to portray?
Brennus is vaguely neutral about xenos. He would be more than happy to leave most of them alone, or bring them into the fold of humanity as a protectorate or client race, but usually they cause too many problems for the humans that he actually has a kingly duty to. The main exception is the Eldar, who unsettle Brennus. Alessia was once, in the distant past, ruled by Eldar, and a lot of their words descend from Eldar terms. The first time Brennus meets eldar, he actually greets them in a debased version of their tongue. But to him, they are essentially Seath (or fae people that aren't actively hostile), and so he both doesn't trust them and is careful to not antagonize them unduly. He is also one of the few Imperials who recognizes a distinction between Dark Eldar and the others: the DE are fomor, as opposed to seath.
That would be pretty boss, actually. I support that idea.2. Seems like something Aubrey would do: outright deceive or otherwise rationalise to see his desires met (not unlike a child...).
It'd actually give his "doctor/surgeon" angle some backing too, and set up some cool academic debate character arcs between Aubrey and Johannes over the science behind such a process.
Now, if I can actually keep hold of enough energy this week to re-write this stuff...I am going to be working 10 hour days for the forseeable future, and also working overtime on weekends. Just shoot me now.
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by TwistofCain Thu Jul 23, 2015 3:40 am
Ok, I edited one of my paragraphs a bit to show Brennus giving in slightly less quickyl. It still fits him, because he never looks for the Tarellians to be slain, but it's not quite as accepting. I will do more later, but weeks of working ten hour days have left me basically dead. I will try and do more sometime this week.
Brennus would not have to wait long for an explanation; in just over a week his Mannan Drak trackers had hunted down the source of their mystery benefactors. Brennus was stunned to learn that his men had found a force of reptilian xenos, wielding weapons similar to autoguns but firing corrosive shells, and with cloaks emblazoned with the Caduceus, Aubrey's Legion symbol. Brennus kept the matter as close to his chest as possible, quickly sending his equerry, Ferdiad, and a few of the men of 1st company in whom he had absolute trust. These men overpowered the Tarellians and brought them to the Long Arm, making sure to keep their presence a secret from anyone else aboard the ship; even those servitors that they interacted with were disposed of. Brennus quietly summoned his brother to a private meeting in his forge, where he expressed his emphatic distaste for fighting alongside xenos creatures, or what the High King called "fomor". The two argued vociferously over what was to be done with the Tarellians; Brennus was intent on seeing the whole lot of them sent back to Lazarus at the first possible opportunity. The High King was gurdgingly swayed after hearing Aubrey's tale of the hradships of his fostering on that world, and his dismay over The Emperor's dismissal of the race that had nurtured the wayward Primarch. Brennus still felt an intense distaste for the xenos, but did not wish to alienate the first of his brothers to fight alongside him.
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Re: Thunder Kings Campaigns and Battles
by Lumey Fri Aug 07, 2015 2:36 am
You should rip off the Battle of the Allia with some non-Imperial human civilisation playing the part of the Romans.
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