Crimson Teeth General Fiction
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Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:10 pm
This is the Crimson Teeth Fiction page. You will find all current information on their history, culture, organization, and military forces here. Feel free to discuss and critique.
Wiki will be updated with edits from this page on a monthly basis.
===Unification Wars===
++Finished with room for change++
- Siege of Mount Yerushabim:
- Siege of Mount Yerushabim
The high success at the earliest stages of the invasion on Mount Yerushabim are non-indicative of the later conflict within the Yerushabic tunnels as the narrow paths limited them largely to frontal assaults. Even with the Stone Men's support, the Crimson Teeth were totally unsuited to tunnel combat. They were pulled back alongside their cousins following Hektor's order to seal the Yerushabim tunnels. In later years the Yerushabim would become a byword for terrible undertakings or a dangerous foe amongst the legion culture, eventually abbreviated to Yerush. (Pronounced Ir-roosh.)
- Siege of Caltaxa:
- Siege of Caltaxa
The Siege of the Caltaxian Super-fortress remains a notable event in the legion's early history for being the first time in over a decade that the legion acted as one. Combating a foe largely immune to their primary strategies of misdirection and ambush, the legion was initially forced to engage the Caltaxian cyborgs directly and wage bloody battle on the automatons.
It was Captain Olakhol (link) determined the weakness in the Caltaxian military lay in their officers and directed the 19th's focus towards their capture and elimination. Four months into the conflict legion infiltrators planted the remains of these captured officers around the entrances of the fortress overnight, making sure to make their uniforms and insignias as visible as possible. Then proceeded to execute officers within sight of the walls on a twice daily basis, slitting their throats and burning the bodies for the defenders to see.
The arctic peoples replied with a major assault towards the Imperial lines, snow-capable vehicles, cyb-soldiers, and massive bionically enhanced ursines making the majority of the attackers ranks. Ready for their assault and eager to end the conflict, Olakhol led the counter charge against the Caltaxian army. By his actions the battle was a clear victory, allowing the Imperials to end the conflict within the next several weeks. The fortress was preserved, and later repurposed into an Imperial holding.
- The Fall of Orioc:
- The Fall of Orioc
The city of Orioc was the last non-compliant state to face the VII in the arctic. The ancient city-state was a mountain bound fortress located in the icebound south. Virtually impregnable within their frozen abode, the people of Orioc had weathered the nightmare of Old Night and been engendered with a powerful fanaticism making them immune to polite Imperial diplomacy. Thus the Emperor decreed that the VII would force their compliance, or death.
Captain Olakohl ignored all pretext of diplomacy and initiated an orbital barrage in the surrounding mountain range, within moments a massive avalanche of stone and ice crashed into the perimeter's of the city. Though their walls and energy shields were sufficient in protecting against the worst of the debris the city became enveloped in a massive cloud of snow. Soon Imperial aircraft cut through the smoke, dropping squads of assault marines on the city below.
In the maelstrom the VII sowed confusion, destroying Cannons along the walls, disabling their shields, and breaking down the gates. Then, just as quickly, they left. Seemingly disappearing into the mountain side. For a brief moment the Orioc populace waited, terrified and hidden.
Then the fire came.
Using a combination of whirlwinds and Fire Raptors by the advisement of the (Sons of Fire Numeral designation) the VII immolated the city. Starting from it's center point and slowly expanding towards the walls, the VII forced the populace to flee their homes in order to escape the firestorm. As they ran through the broken gates they passed the piled corpses of their defenders. Piked, disemboweled, and decapitated, along the entrances and trailing out beyond the walls. As they fled into the world beyond they were beset by the VII, blood soaked behemoths whose voxes keened as they flew. The population was slowly hunted down, toyed with, and systematically slaughtered. Their bodies lining the outskirts of the city in long rings of severed limbs and flesh to freeze in the polar climate.
By Imperial Decree, the city would remain untouched as a warning for others who opposed the Emperor's will.
- Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
- The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Operating in conjunction with the XVI the VII systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
- Orbital Station Vesta:
- Orbital Station Vesta
Orbital station Vesta was the first of many satellites the VII would encounter as the spread across the Jovian Sub-system. The powerful relay station was now a derelict, only notable due to the disappearance of several salvage teams and their astartes escorts. Legion Breacher squads would discover a powerful machine creature that controlled the station and invaded their armor systems. The ancient intelligence was destroyed along with Orbital Station Vesta when the fleet opened fire on the satellite, rather than allow the machine-thing to spread to the fleet.
- Battle of Ganymede:
- The Battle of Ganymede 2
Diplomacy fails to coerce the Jovian Confederation compliance. The VII are deployed to support Imperial forces as they conquer the subsystem. The conflict escalates to become one of the largest ship battles on Imperial record, and reaches a bloody conclusion as Astartes and Thunderwarriors board the Jovian vessels and slaughter their crews.
=Great Crusade onwards=
++UNDERGOING EXPANSION++
- Great Crusade pre-Camaxtli:
- In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the VII were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the VII were not present to receive the acknowledgment or praise other legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they were never afforded the same respect as their brothers by the Imperial populace which feared their violent strategies.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the VII were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes, their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the VII experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legion. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the VII and the XIII began work in joint operations.
Initially, the VII kept to themselves, training and rearming in readiness to advance at the front once again. Yet once they deemed their strength sufficient their requests to re-deploy were denied, the legion was instead ordered to operate under the XIII for the conceivable future. The VII leadership begrudgingly accepted this duty as a minor detour from their front-line role, but continued to carry out their duties. At first relations were fractious as the legions polarized war doctrines failed to intermix; the VII were direct assault specialists while the XIII favored an indirect approach. As a result of this strategic conflict several engagements were disastrous as the combined forces struggled to operate cohesively.
This disjunction of military philosophy forced the VII and XIII Sacred Bands into cooperation. In order for Hektors orders to be followed the Sacred Bands faced the difficult task of creating harmony between their legions.
++UNDERGOING MAJOR REVISION++
- Great Crusade Peri-Camaxtli:
The Ionian Fortress Array
The Ionian Fortress array was an ancient defense system that orbited most of the moon of Io. Largely abandoned, the defense network had become an abode for shape shifting pirates and mutant abominations which regularly raided the gargantuan fuel-cities below. For several weeks the legion battled them across Io's volcanic wastes unable to drawdown and destroy the ghost-like vessels whose weapons could easily punch through a landraider's hull. The legion forced the pirates hand by attacking the moving fuel-cities with a combined detachment of Storm Eagles, Fire Raptors, Jet Bikes, and Landspeeders. While Thunder Hawk transports deployed vindicators and land raiders to besiege the city. When the raiders attacked to protect their feeding ground the Legion used Fire Raptors and Thunderhawks to drop Assault Marines and Jet Bikes on to the xenos transports and quickly overwhelmed their esoteric foes.
Without fuel from the liberated cities the aliens could not maintain their orbital defenses. This allowed the VII to close with the abominations and assault the pirates directly. The aliens were utterly unprepared to face the total might of the VII as hundreds of drop pods and fighter craft shot towards their haunted fortress. The legion were not disappointed as scores of mutant creatures ran forwards to engage them, spitting acid and weaponised shadows. Though the fighting was bloody, the monstrosities could not stand before the relentless advance of the assault marines and were hacked to pieces.
===Hektor Hersey===
++TO BE UPDATED++
- Hektor Heresy:
As time went on Camaxtli saw the depths of Imperial avarice , and came to agree with Infernox's outrage over the Imperial Council once the Emperor was finished with the crusade.
===Scouring===
++UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING++
- The Scouring:
After the defeat of Hector during the Siege of Terra, the Gorgers started a feuding in the planetary systems around the Solar System. Numerous Legions came to rid the outskirts of Terra from their assaults. As they have done during much of the Heresy the Gorgers erected numerous Gorges, abyssal holes in the ground filled with the corpses of the strong, those were used in the most blasphemous of rituals and opened the way to Reality for numerous demons of the ruinous powers.
Despite their demonic aides and the frenzy the Gorgers, the cooperation and righteous fury of the united loyalist legions were too much for Nathanog and his marines to withstand. In a moment of lucidity, the Primarch managed to regroup and boost the resolve of his legion with the promise of One Last Hunt the likes of which they have always craved. A Hunt where they would concentrate all their offensive power in one quick brutal charge across the stars. On this day many of the Gorgers decided to join their Primarch in this bloody Last Hunt. Some were denied this honor however, as Nathanog spoke to his trusted Second Captain Atmir. The Legion would not die, but live on. With a weighted down mind, a portion of the fleet with ten thousand Marines and the entirety of the Legion's geneseed pushed off in the direction of the other Legions which had fled from Sol.
The fight that ensued was bloody for both forces. The Gorgers fought like a beast cornered on all fronts, showing even more ferocity than usual. Nathanog himself was at the very forefront of the fight, enduring an impossible amount of wounds and shots. Several ships of the Silver Cataphracts became overwhelmed, as the Legion had never been the masters at melee combat and were facing the epitome of close combat perfection. The Steel Marshals and Void Angels launched themselves into the breach, only clogging up the astral battle lines with ships as the Gorgers set about boarding each one and unleashing their horrible might.
But still the Loyalists eventually stopped their momentum, the Gorgers started to suffer loss after loss. Nathanog became to focus excessively on the relentless assault of the Loyalists. He broke their spearheads, he shattered their phalanxes, he crushed their assaults. He stood with a shard of a powersword stuck in his knee, plasma burns and volkite marks all over his armor and skin. His face was half-burned by a flamer. He was almost feral in these final moments, but the teachings of his homeworld and that of Nath echoed in his mind honing in his primal instincts with decisive insight.
Leading an attack personally on the last few Gorger Terminators surrounding Nathanog, Roman Albrecht strode forth with his own honor guard. The battle was tough, but Nathanog would be an equal match for Albrecht normally but his wounds limited him. The Steel Marshal's Primarch saw a gap in Nathanog's defense and took advantage. With a careful strike of his weapon, he laid low his brother sending his lifeless body shambling down a high terrace into a catwalk below. The loss of their Primarch sent the legion into a surprising realization of their impeding demise. In the hastiest of retreats, the few remaining Gorgers still alive left the battle. In their disarray they couldn't retrieve the corpse of their Primarch, a mistake that would forever haunt the legion and its descendants in the coming millennia.
++UNDERGOING EDITING++
- Hektor Heresy Peri-Camaxtli:
After the Primarch's death the Brotherhoods scattered, sometimes breaking down into their constituent packs. It would not be until Atmir united the largest of these to join him in his attack in the Imperium would the Legion see some form of cohesion. Still, many Gorgers live out their lives as simple mercenaries working for prey and supplies.
===Legion Wars===
++UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING++
- Early Wars (date - date):
The alliance to Hektor had been uneasy at best during the Legion's history, as many desired to kill the Sons of Fire who were not even attempting to hide their desire to burn everything to ash anymore. The wise leadership of their Primarch and that of the Warmaster kept their tempers in check, but without them now many wars were fought between the two Legions in the form of skirmishes and invasions via warbands. At every point in the history of the Legions War, there were always at least one battle going on between Sons of Fire and Gorgers.
It was Master Hunter Atmir who was able to quench their hatred, letting the Sons of Fire regroup while allowing his own warbands to recoup. This peace was tentative and did not last long, but it is worth noting as it allowed both Legions to thrive for a time before hostilities continued. Some wonder if was not for the First Black Crusade to bind these Legions towards a common goal, they might have fought one another to oblivion.
- Mid-Wars (date-date):
{to be updated}
- End-wars (date-date):
{to be updated}
===Legion Culture===
- Pre-Camaxtli:
{to be updated}
===The Great Crusade===
++UNDERGOING MAJOR EDITING++
- Peri-Camaxtli - Great Crusade:
--Attire and visual customs--
In keeping with their primarch’s traditions, the marines make ample use of tattoos with an emphasis on facial decoration. These tattoos, reminiscent of creatures of their home, explain that particular marine’s specialty or accomplishments. The Bloodbound place heavy importance on individual history, and use their body art as an expression and at-a-glance summary of their past. It is not unusual for marines to paint their armor to match their bodies, leading to ornamented and richly detailed helmets in particular.
--The Hunt--
The most important aspect of the Legion was the Hunt. This was the ultimate quest in their eyes, the culmination of humanity's abilities and will. Taking on a prey that is even stronger than you are as a collective is the epitome of the Hunt. The Hunt is driven by the Hunger, which is always prevalent and must be sated. Without calming the Hunger, madness and kinslaying will occur as the dark nature of the Gorgers origin as crazed combatants will arise again making them unwieldy, wild, bloodlusting.
--Process (before)--
The Legion conducted ceremonies before each engagement to ready themselves for war. Master Hunters raised massive pyres around which duels, competitions, and revelries were organized to increase the resolve of the marines and excite them for combat. Members of other Legions and even soldiers of the Imperial Army were invited to take part in these events as all were considered part of the Pack once a campaign had begun. These celebrations were always bloodless and merry, as the Hunt was about to begin. What could be more joyous? It was seen as allowing the Pack to mingle with itself, as a reminder that all were important to the whole, and the success of a battle.
Officers would tell of the deeds they would perform in the coming conflict, of the number of braves they would kill, and the corpses that awaited them afterwards. Each of those words would be remembered by their fellows, who would exalt those who fulfilled their boasts. Newcomers were encouraged to make oaths, which were sometimes humorous but other times serious in their declaration. Young blood which could fulfill their ambitions were held in high regard throughout the Legion.
--Process(after)--
After a Hunt, the Feast begins. Dead enemy champions were gathered as the Crimson Teeth closed themselves off from the rest of their allies. These corpses were kept aside and sometimes cooked over mighty hearths. However, the flesh of dead brothers took precedence as small bits barely the size of a human's thumb would be passed out. Every Crimson Tooh received a small handful of these offerings, each chip from a different fallen brother. Participants to the ritual were expected to eat each of piece of meat, to commemorate their sacrifice and consume the strength.
After this, the Crimson Teeth would set loose upon the prepared flesh of their foes and satisfy their hunger. Valorous stories are told glorifying the lives of the dead, and a jovial atmosphere sets in amongst the revelry as they recount their recent deeds.
--Slaughtering Grounds--
In the cases of major battles against overwhelming force, once victory was achieved the Gorgers would start the preparations for the Ceremony of the Slaughter Grounds. The Gorgers were most of the time sent to worlds with quite strong resistance against Imperial forces. Whether physically or mentally, these people would not give up requiring the brutal hammer that was the XVIIth Legion. The Gorgers would come in a terrifying, non-stop display of violence would eliminate the resistance. The civilians would be mostly sparred but in order to gain their absolute loyalty and show them the cost of defying the Great Crusade and the Imperium, the Gorgers would create a Slaughtering Ground.
These were gigantic holes, surrounded with the iconography and symbols of the legion. Here the corpses of those the Gorgers just crushed would be amassed. Either the Legionnaires themselves or those human soldiers fighting alongside them would gather the leaders of the planet, along with a large following of civilians. The purpose of this was to show them the Ceremony of the Feast, which normally happened behind closed doors as a private enjoyment by the Legionnaires. There was to be no joy here, at the Slaughtering Ground. Those who witnessed that ritual learned the lesson remarkably fast. If you oppose us, you will be consumed.
The Gorgers would then be free to leave the planet or system to the Imperial regiments, hurrying toward new battles. The planets without exception never made a problem for the Imperium again. The irony of this is during the Hektor Heresy these planets formed the backbone of Loyalist defiance against the Traitors.
--Mana and Vengeance--
Mana and Vengeance True to the tendencies of their primarch’s homeworld, the Legion places great value on the acquisition of honor via duels and successfully avenging wrongs. The concept of mana comes from a pre-crusade term for the favor of the gods, a resource only existing in the abstract and recorded in the tattoos of its bearers. Mana was often a determinant of who would lead the tribe, though in these days the practice is more of a formality for the sake of maintaining culture in the face of the Warp.
--Attire--
{to be updated}
- Peri-Camaxtli - Hektor Heresy:
{to be updated}
--Attire--
{to be updated}
- Post-Camaxtli - Legion Wars:
{to be updated}
++UNDERGOING EDITING++
The Gorgers Legion had a thriving culture before the fateful battles in the Sol system. The warbands and other descendants have inherited many customs, but they become skewered and half remembered as the years tick by.
--Attire--
{to be updated}
Last edited by Lord Captain Kitten on Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:49 am; edited 21 times in total
Lord Captain Kitten- Posts : 30
Join date : 2015-06-10
Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Fri Jun 12, 2015 3:20 am
Updating the following:
The Battle of Ganymede 2
The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Battle of Ganymede 2:
Following the takeover of the Ionian Fortress Array the XIX turned their attention to the Sub-System's inhabitants. Though grateful for the legion's arrival and the rapid extermination of the alien menace they were not willing to trade their independence for Imperial protection. The Ganam Confederation had survived the pirates for millennia, why would they ever disband now?
Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
Operating in conjunction with the [legion] the XIX systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States. During this time the legion develops tactics to overcome the Sud Mericans guerilla tactics and begin to rely on Jump Packs as a means to engage.
The Battle of Ganymede 2
The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Battle of Ganymede 2:
Following the takeover of the Ionian Fortress Array the XIX turned their attention to the Sub-System's inhabitants. Though grateful for the legion's arrival and the rapid extermination of the alien menace they were not willing to trade their independence for Imperial protection. The Ganam Confederation had survived the pirates for millennia, why would they ever disband now?
Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
Operating in conjunction with the [legion] the XIX systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States. During this time the legion develops tactics to overcome the Sud Mericans guerilla tactics and begin to rely on Jump Packs as a means to engage.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Fri Jun 12, 2015 3:34 pm
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:
Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
Operating in conjunction with the [legion] the XIX systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
The legion in question is the Steel Marshals. (Roman's legion)
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:
"During this time the legion develops tactics to overcome the Sud Mericans guerilla tactics and begin to rely on Jump Packs as a means to engage.
I think you are focusing too much on the Unification wars.
Firstly, while the legions see a fair amount of action in the OU, they are secondary to the Thunder Warriors, who do the most heavy lifting. Yet you've got a whole host of 'notable' actions that the CT are involved in, and thats one legion of twenty!
The issue this leaves is the CT either looking far more important than any other legion in the Unification Wars, or looking like they peaked in effectiveness on Terra and more or less stagnate from then on.
Secondly, and more importantly, you are developing the legions defining tactics too quickly. Too use the common example, blitzkrieg developed out of numerous advances developed in the first world war (Tanks, Radio, Infiltration tactics, mobility warfare etc), and still needed refining before being suitable for WW2.
Yet the CT - still in their formal testing phase - are developing the tactics that come to define their method of war?
Not to mention it means Camaxtli's eventual entrance to the legion had little effect on their strategic and tactical philosophies, it just adds some cultural flavour, which seems a waste of Cam's potential.
The best solution is to reapply these campaigns to the CT's Great Crusade efforts, which would achieve a more believable and natural progression of strategy/tactics development, and keep the CT relevant past Terra/Sol.
I mean, the CT haven't even encountered Orks yet, but you were arguing that the CT should be at Ullanor because of Ork fighting expertise. Orks are the most common enemy the Imperium faces in the GC, so having the CT actually develop and learn new skills and methods over time. would mean that their involvement at Ullanor makes so much more sense.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Fri Jun 12, 2015 5:18 pm
Updating the following:
The Battle of Ganymede 2
The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Battle of Ganymede 2:
Diplomacy fails to coerce the Jovian Confederation compliance. The XIX are deployed to support Imperial forces as they conquer the subsystem. The conflict escalates to a ship battle over ancient Ganymede 2, but quickly ends as Astartes and Thunderwarriors board the Jovian vessels and slaughter their crews.
Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
Operating in conjunction with the XVI the XIX systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
The Battle of Ganymede 2
The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Battle of Ganymede 2:
Diplomacy fails to coerce the Jovian Confederation compliance. The XIX are deployed to support Imperial forces as they conquer the subsystem. The conflict escalates to a ship battle over ancient Ganymede 2, but quickly ends as Astartes and Thunderwarriors board the Jovian vessels and slaughter their crews.
Sud Merica Liberation Campaign:
Operating in conjunction with the XVI the XIX systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Mon Jun 15, 2015 8:02 pm
Updating the following: The Great Crusade
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed as a supplement to the other legions. Though as competent as any other legion, the XIX did not garner Hektor's attention like their brethren. Thus, where others participated in at the speartip of the early crusade, the XIX were left to destroy what was left.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and piece-meal xenos hordes. Thus the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, throwing themselves into the enemy with no concern for themselves. Hektor noticed this trend and, despite his disgust for their methods. Took advantage of their close combat skills when engaging the Ork warlords of the [unnamed] sector, using the legion to occupy the ork's while his Wolves struck towards the green skins core and thus win the greater glory.
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed as a supplement to the other legions. Though as competent as any other legion, the XIX did not garner Hektor's attention like their brethren. Thus, where others participated in at the speartip of the early crusade, the XIX were left to destroy what was left.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and piece-meal xenos hordes. Thus the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, throwing themselves into the enemy with no concern for themselves. Hektor noticed this trend and, despite his disgust for their methods. Took advantage of their close combat skills when engaging the Ork warlords of the [unnamed] sector, using the legion to occupy the ork's while his Wolves struck towards the green skins core and thus win the greater glory.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Tue Jun 16, 2015 2:27 am
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed as a supplement to the other legions. Though as competent as any other legion, the XIX did not garner Hektor's attention like their brethren. Thus, where others participated in at the speartip of the early crusade, the XIX were left to destroy what was left.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and piece-meal xenos hordes. Thus the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, throwing themselves into the enemy with no concern for themselves. Hektor noticed this trend and, despite his disgust for their methods. Took advantage of their close combat skills when engaging the Ork warlords of the [unnamed] sector, using the legion to occupy the ork's while his Wolves struck towards the green skins core and thus win the greater glory.
Being a supplement to the other legions isn't a usable angle really, because:
a) this is a defining part of the Void Angels history ("Tag-Along"). It's also similar to the Iron Rangers methodology - and it fits their doctrine, the CT not so much (you don't punch with an open hand after all, and the CT supposedly punch hard...)
b) the XIX are still a full legion with a functioning command (the Sacred Band) who are "Hektor Approved" for leading the legion until Cam is found.
Not being used on the frontline could work though. It's weird that a close combat legion isn't frontline, but it's not completely implausible.
But a legion not garnering Hektor's attention makes Hektor a bit foolish as a commander, and he is meant to be Mary Sue the primarch, ie the best of the best. Overlooking a unit/division and undervaluing it's contribution is a rookie mistake.
Maybe they have some problematic geneseed early on that Pallas could help with, or take heavy losses so get put on light duty while they expand (which wouldn't take long early crusade). Something like that, as that will retain your basic conclusion without diminishing Hektor.
The resentment is a decent angle, but if a foe is broken/scattered, throwing oneself at them with abandon isn't really a big deal - the enemy isn't much of a threat, and doesn't provide enough challenge (also bringing in questions about value for experience/training, ie this wouldn't give the CT much expertise)This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and piece-meal xenos hordes. Thus the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, throwing themselves into the enemy with no concern for themselves
A quick switch to make them show no mercy, taking their resentment and frustration out on the enemies they get left to mop up though? That makes sense, and sets a precedent for the legion getting increasingly violent.
I don't see Hektor showing disgust for any of his brothers methods. He helped shape the legions personally after all, so leaving Terra is more or less a sign of approval.despite his disgust for their methods. Took advantage of their close combat skills when engaging the Ork warlords of the [unnamed] sector, using the legion to occupy the ork's while his Wolves struck towards the green skins core and thus win the greater glory.
And the "speartip" angle, while not anathema to our Hektor, is an artifact from Horus abd should be minimised to avoid Hektor being a cheap imitation of Horus.
Horus is all about that headlong "spear tip" rush at the enemy, which is closer to Aubrey's tactics in our AU.
Hektor is more like Guilliman without the rigidity.
So he might make that speartip strike here, but the CT would be kept in the loop about what they had to do and why.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Tue Jun 16, 2015 5:02 pm
So, what you are saying Uriel is:
- There is no room for the CT to be a supplement legion.
- The CT are strong enough to be able to act as a fully formed legion body, rather than simply reserves.
- Consider fluffing out major losses, and/or early crusade geneseed deficiencies
- Show Hektor's influence on the legion more.
- Change wording on CT's means of venting their resentment on their foes.
- Treat Hektor as a more adaptive Guilliman (Do you mean in military structure? He's pretty adaptive.
- Hektor would communicate with the CT when using them for war.
Okay cool, I can adapt the story to fit this criteria.
- There is no room for the CT to be a supplement legion.
- The CT are strong enough to be able to act as a fully formed legion body, rather than simply reserves.
- Consider fluffing out major losses, and/or early crusade geneseed deficiencies
- Show Hektor's influence on the legion more.
- Change wording on CT's means of venting their resentment on their foes.
- Treat Hektor as a more adaptive Guilliman (Do you mean in military structure? He's pretty adaptive.
- Hektor would communicate with the CT when using them for war.
Okay cool, I can adapt the story to fit this criteria.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Tue Jun 16, 2015 9:18 pm
there is room, just needs a decent explanation/an explanation- There is no room for the CT to be a supplement legion.
Due to the Sacred Band, all the legions are as they have competent/approved commanders. The exceptions are likely the Entombed and Stone Men due to their lower numbers, and the Void Angels whose Sacred Band is wiped out in the Merican Hive Battle in the Unification Wars.- The CT are strong enough to be able to act as a fully formed legion body, rather than simply reserves.
early Great Crusade major losses would keep the reserve angle in play without any major revision. Geneseed deficiencies would be in the "difficult to recruit/create" space marines. Thats not the better angle as the CT would likely take lots of casualties due to frontline, close combat warfare, so would need strong reliable geneseed to replace losses effectively.- Consider fluffing out major losses, and/or early crusade geneseed deficiencies
Not necessarily necessary, but would help us flesh Hektor out more if we all had that in mind.- Show Hektor's influence on the legion more.
But what I was getting at was this: Hektor is a great commander and leader. He isn't petty enough to let his feelings on a legion colour his choices.
Instead of having them get crazy and reckless, have them get crazy and aggressive - taking out their anger on the enemy by using copious degrees of overkill and lack of mercy. That better establishes what you seem to be trying to (brutality and violence)- Change wording on CT's means of venting their resentment on their foes.
Basically treat him like what he's written to be. Horus was a hot-headed thug, essentially. Highly effective, wise/intelligence, and tactically astute, but still a hot-headed thuggish guy.- Treat Hektor as a more adaptive Guilliman (Do you mean in military structure? He's pretty adaptive.
Hektor is passionate so still gets mad, but he know warfare better than most - he isn't a master of any method, but he is capable of expertise in every method he turns his hand to. Its not just "muh spear-tip" like Horus, although he would still use that strategy, for Hektor it's one trick from a bag of many, rather than a definition of his strategy.
tldr; He isn't Guilliman, but he is closer to Guilliman than he is to Horus.
Communication wins wars. The point I was making there though was if the CT are being used as a decoy, they'd know that was their purpose as Hektor would tell them. Otherwise, Hektor risks pissing the CT off by leaving them to take the brunt of the assault while he "steals the glory" for no reason/gain.- Hektor would communicate with the CT when using them for war.
There are instances that Hektor might lie/keep someone in the dark, but those instances would be rare, and explained to the poor schmuck that was lied to afterwards, including telling them why he didn't inform them (operational security, plausible deniability etc).
The rest seemed ok. So if the CT are reserve forces early on, what sort of date do they switch back to fully active?
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Sat Jun 20, 2015 3:13 am
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise their brothers enjoyed.
Though valued by Hektor as a strategic asset and effective shock troops where relentless aggression was necessary. Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents would not be wasted in combat. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and bloody minded xenos hordes. Watching their brothers die horribly to be forgotten. Thus, the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, and became increasingly violent. Where before they would simply defeat their enemies and perhaps execute some of the leadership, they now went about butchering sections of the population like cattle.
Though valued by Hektor as a strategic asset and effective shock troops where relentless aggression was necessary. Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents would not be wasted in combat. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and bloody minded xenos hordes. Watching their brothers die horribly to be forgotten. Thus, the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, and became increasingly violent. Where before they would simply defeat their enemies and perhaps execute some of the leadership, they now went about butchering sections of the population like cattle.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Wed Jun 24, 2015 4:32 pm
Sorry this took so long, I'd got distracted by other things and forgotten about it.
This is better than the original, some quick notes:
Something like the following is better:
Next:
If it's Hektor/Emperor wasting their talents, this seems unlikely, but you have to remember the Great Crusade is against many foes, and the legions can't be picky about who they fight - its part of the job that you can't always fight how and who you want.
If it's a case of them being punished/rebuilding, that would need to be mentioned as currently it the message the reader will take away is:
Ie, if you're pissed off that your work isn't being appreciated, you're either doing easy work and delusional as to its importance, or you aren't be given respect for doing something difficult that others do get respect for.
That isn't currently borne out by the above.
Could be cut down and made a bit less bloated by rewriting it as such:
Or an even simpler "Where they used to execute enemy leaders, now they butchered populations like cattle."
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise their brothers enjoyed.
Though valued by Hektor as a strategic asset and effective shock troops where relentless aggression was necessary. Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents would not be wasted in combat. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors.
This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and bloody minded xenos hordes. Watching their brothers die horribly to be forgotten. Thus, the XIX vented their anger on these paltry conflicts, and became increasingly violent. Where before they would simply defeat their enemies and perhaps execute some of the leadership, they now went about butchering sections of the population like cattle.
This is better than the original, some quick notes:
This doesn't make sense, it's missing the "but..." section where the 'though' at the start is qualified. It should also be added to the end of the above mini-paragraph I think, as they both carry the same subject.Though valued by Hektor as a strategic asset and effective shock troops where relentless aggression was necessary.
Something like the following is better:
But unlike some of their Astartes brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise some of their brother legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they never felt as though they were afforded any respect from their brothers.
Next:
You don't explain sufficiently why they are wasted.This would lead to great resentment amongst their number as time after time they found their skills wasted upon broken civilizations and bloody minded xenos hordes.
If it's Hektor/Emperor wasting their talents, this seems unlikely, but you have to remember the Great Crusade is against many foes, and the legions can't be picky about who they fight - its part of the job that you can't always fight how and who you want.
If it's a case of them being punished/rebuilding, that would need to be mentioned as currently it the message the reader will take away is:
The CT get no respect from other legions, for doing easy and unglamorous jobs in a violent and excessive manner
Ie, if you're pissed off that your work isn't being appreciated, you're either doing easy work and delusional as to its importance, or you aren't be given respect for doing something difficult that others do get respect for.
That isn't currently borne out by the above.
Where before they would simply defeat their enemies and perhaps execute some of the leadership, they now went about butchering sections of the population like cattle.
Could be cut down and made a bit less bloated by rewriting it as such:
Where they had previously only gone as far as executing defeated enemy leaders, the legions restraint grew increasingly unimportant, as they butchered populations like cattle.
Or an even simpler "Where they used to execute enemy leaders, now they butchered populations like cattle."
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by TwistofCain Thu Jun 25, 2015 2:14 am
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:
- Great Crusade:
Being worked on -> The Ionian Fortress Array
The Ionian Fortress array was an ancient defense system that orbited most of the moon of Io. Largely abandoned, the defense network had become an abode for shape shifting pirates and mutant abominations which regularly raided the gargantuan fuel-cities below. For several weeks the legion battled them across Io's volcanic wastes unable to drawdown and destroy the ghost-like vessels whose weapons could easily punch through a landraider's hull. The legion forced the pirates hand by attacking the moving fuel-cities with a combined detachment of Storm Eagles, Fire Raptors, Jet Bikes, and Landspeeders. While Thunder Hawk transports deployed vindicators and land raiders to besiege the city. When the raiders attacked to protect their feeding ground the Legion used Fire Raptors and Thunderhawks to drop Assault Marines and Jet Bikes on to the xenos transports and quickly overwhelmed their esoteric foes.
Without fuel from the liberated cities the aliens could not maintain their orbital defenses. This allowed the XIX to close with the abominations and assault the pirates directly. The aliens were utterly unprepared to face the total might of the XIX as hundreds of drop pods and fighter craft shot towards their haunted fortress. The legion were not disappointed as scores of mutant creatures ran forwards to engage them, spitting acid and weaponised shadows. Though the fighting was bloody, the monstrosities could not stand before the relentless advance of the assault marines and were hacked to pieces.
I'm still a little unsure as to what the defense network actually is. Is it a series of ships, linked together by some means? Is it a grid of defense satellites, perhaps meant to serve as a barrier to any force that might ant to invade Sol? The fuel-cities might be a good staging point for giant weapons too. I can imagine some kind of huge generator-city, home to thousands of slaves who toil day and night to make sure the weapon at the top of it's spire has enough energy to be used whenever.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Sun Jun 28, 2015 11:30 pm
@Uriel:
So like this?
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise other legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they were never afforded the same respect as their brothers.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the XIX experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legions astartes. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the XIX and the XIII began work in joint operations.
So like this?
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise other legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they were never afforded the same respect as their brothers.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the XIX experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legions astartes. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the XIX and the XIII began work in joint operations.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Thu Jul 02, 2015 12:28 pm
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:@Uriel:
So like this?
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise other legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they were never afforded the same respect as their brothers.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the XIX experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legions astartes. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the XIX and the XIII began work in joint operations.
Thats good yeah, should probably add a comma after 'intractable foes' though.
On the XIIIth and XIX working closely:
Depending on how you want to take the angle, you could mention that after the success Hektor had with putting the 13th on reserve/support duties, he tries to do it on a larger scale with a different aim with the CT - the 13th were put into reserve/support as a light punishment more or less, with the CT its not about punishment but about keeping them useful to the crusade while giving them time to rearm and replenish what they had lost.
That would give Hektor some more agency, and demonstrate the challenges and triumphs of his early GC leadership, and also demonstrate that Hektor does value the CT enough that taking them off the frontline fully isn't an option.
It also sets up Hektor/Camaxtli dislike, as Hektor valued them and helps them strengthen up, then Cam comes along and takes over, making decisions Hektor wouldn't have contemplated.
Following that angle, you don't have to have the CT take directions from the 13th but you could still do so; the early 13th's rapid indirect approach complements the CT rapid direct approach, so having the 13th plan campaigns that both legions then coordinate on and prosecute seems appropriately efficient for the Great Crusade's benefit.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Wed Jul 15, 2015 1:04 am
In the wake of the Treaty of Mars, the XIX were deployed at the front of the crusade and took part in many campaigns to purge the galaxy of xenos. But, unlike some of their more illustrious brethren, the XIX did not receive the acknowledgment or praise other legions enjoyed. Though Hektor valued their talents as effective shock troops, they were never afforded the same respect as their brothers.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes, their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the XIX experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legions astartes. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the XIX and the XIII began work in joint operations.
Initially, the XIX kept to themselves, training and rearming in readiness to advance at the front once again. Yet once they deemed their strength sufficient their requests to re-enter the front were denied, the legion was instead ordered to operate under the XIII for the conceivable future. The legion begrudgingly accepted this duty as a minor detour from their front-line role.
Fortunately the sheer volume of orks infesting the galaxy meant their talents were not wasted. While the XIX were repeatedly assigned to exterminate intractable foes, their brother legionnaires were liberating distant human civilizations and greeted as saviors. As they exterminated orkoid hordes, mind eating psychics, and shapeshifting automatons the XIX experienced severe losses. Their vicious foes and ruthless close combat strategies lead to an unprecedented attrition rate amongst the legions astartes. So much so that Hektor ordered the legion to pull back and replenish their losses. It was during this time that the legions and Sacred Bands of the XIX and the XIII began work in joint operations.
Initially, the XIX kept to themselves, training and rearming in readiness to advance at the front once again. Yet once they deemed their strength sufficient their requests to re-enter the front were denied, the legion was instead ordered to operate under the XIII for the conceivable future. The legion begrudgingly accepted this duty as a minor detour from their front-line role.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Fri Jul 31, 2015 6:20 am
This disjunction of military philosophy forced the XIX and XIII Sacred Bands into cooperation. In order for Hektors orders to be followed the Sacred Bands faced the difficult task of creating harmony between their legions. This proved difficult as the legion operation methods and cultures did not mix. The XIX were an highly aggressive force of warriors whose strategies epitomised close assault and indiscriminate violence. They were well accustomed to operating side by side before separating to seek and destroy straggling defenders. Theirs was an extensive cleansing of the enemy via adamantium blades.
Where as the XIII operated in a much more fluid manner, seeking to misdirect and control their enemies through misinformation, infiltration, and special operations. While the XIX focused on working together side by side as one great roiling mass of destruction. Thus an extensive process of cross-training and exchange began as officers and recruits were taught the tools, strategies and tactics of their brother legion. During this time the legions learned valuable lessons and adapted their doctrines accordingly to be more versatile. Where the XIII gained new emphasis on proactive engagement, the XIX were taught to better focus their abilities.
[Starting to hit a writer-block due to fatigue. Critique is welcomed while I sleep.]
Where as the XIII operated in a much more fluid manner, seeking to misdirect and control their enemies through misinformation, infiltration, and special operations. While the XIX focused on working together side by side as one great roiling mass of destruction. Thus an extensive process of cross-training and exchange began as officers and recruits were taught the tools, strategies and tactics of their brother legion. During this time the legions learned valuable lessons and adapted their doctrines accordingly to be more versatile. Where the XIII gained new emphasis on proactive engagement, the XIX were taught to better focus their abilities.
[Starting to hit a writer-block due to fatigue. Critique is welcomed while I sleep.]
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Thu Aug 06, 2015 5:34 am
===Chalchihuitl===
The vibrant world of Chalchihuitl is an unassuming deathworld within the [segmentum]. Save for its habitability and the scores of asteroids which surrounded it, the planet bears little of note from space. The situation Planetside is an entirely different matter. Chalchihuitl is home to a vast ecosystem almost entirely hostile to human beings, from its plants and birds, to its mammalian predators, near every living thing on the planet poses danger to its homo-sapien inhabitants. Yet despite the overwhelming danger of their home humans have managed to survive, and in some cases thrive, on this world.
It is unknown how humans came upon this planet, or how they managed to populate the floating stone cities which peppered its surface. But what was certain was that Chalchihuitl was always in a state of war and violence. Whether you were a tribesman trapped in the green hell below the cities, or engaged in aerial war with a rival city state.
(cont/)
The vibrant world of Chalchihuitl is an unassuming deathworld within the [segmentum]. Save for its habitability and the scores of asteroids which surrounded it, the planet bears little of note from space. The situation Planetside is an entirely different matter. Chalchihuitl is home to a vast ecosystem almost entirely hostile to human beings, from its plants and birds, to its mammalian predators, near every living thing on the planet poses danger to its homo-sapien inhabitants. Yet despite the overwhelming danger of their home humans have managed to survive, and in some cases thrive, on this world.
It is unknown how humans came upon this planet, or how they managed to populate the floating stone cities which peppered its surface. But what was certain was that Chalchihuitl was always in a state of war and violence. Whether you were a tribesman trapped in the green hell below the cities, or engaged in aerial war with a rival city state.
(cont/)
Last edited by Lord Captain Kitten on Thu Aug 06, 2015 5:42 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Rogerius Merrill Thu Aug 06, 2015 2:24 pm
You're not the XIX. You're the VII. XIX is the Eyes.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Legiones_Astartes_(Hektor_Heresy)
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Legiones_Astartes_(Hektor_Heresy)
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Thu Aug 06, 2015 4:58 pm
Thanks for the heads up Merrill.
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Fri Aug 07, 2015 7:04 pm
|||FOR THE RECORD|||
Upon notification revised Legion Designation from XIX to VII
Updated Status of:
- Unification Wars
- Great Crusade onwards inc.Pre & Peri - Camaxtli/attire
Added:
- Hektor Heresy inc.content/editing status/attire
- Scouring inc.content & editing status
- Legion Wars inc.Content/editing status/attire
- Legion Culture inc.content & editing status
Upon notification revised Legion Designation from XIX to VII
Updated Status of:
- Unification Wars
- Great Crusade onwards inc.Pre & Peri - Camaxtli/attire
Added:
- Hektor Heresy inc.content/editing status/attire
- Scouring inc.content & editing status
- Legion Wars inc.Content/editing status/attire
- Legion Culture inc.content & editing status
Last edited by Lord Captain Kitten on Sat Aug 08, 2015 8:40 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Sat Aug 08, 2015 8:29 am
|||FOR THE RECORD|||
Added:
- Legion Culture content requiring major editing (A Thousand Thanks to Alexandri)
---
Query: Change Legion Icon to the following? Edit: I do not know why the image will not work. The image can be found here:http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Bloodbound
Added:
- Legion Culture content requiring major editing (A Thousand Thanks to Alexandri)
---
Query: Change Legion Icon to the following? Edit: I do not know why the image will not work. The image can be found here:http://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Bloodbound
Last edited by Lord Captain Kitten on Sat Aug 08, 2015 5:49 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Corrupt image)
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Uriel Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:51 pm
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:
Query: Change Legion Icon to the following?
No issues are likely to arise from such a small aesthetic change. So go for it.
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Chalchihuitl, the homeworld
by Lord Captain Kitten Mon Aug 10, 2015 5:58 pm
@Uriel:Thank you for the reply. I will change the icon now.
===Chalchihuitl===
The vibrant world of Chalchihuitl is an unassuming deathworld within the [segmentum]. Save for its habitability and the scores of asteroids which surrounded it, the planet bears little of note from space. The situation Planetside is an entirely different matter. Chalchihuitl is home to a vast ecosystem almost entirely hostile to human beings, from its plants and birds, to its mammalian predators, near every living thing on the planet poses danger to its homo-sapien inhabitants. Yet despite the overwhelming danger of their home humans have managed to survive, and in some cases thrive, on this world.
It is unknown how humans came upon this planet, or how they managed to populate the floating stone cities which peppered its surface. But what was certain was that Chalchihuitl was always in a state of war and violence. Whether you were a tribesman trapped in the green hell below the cities, or engaged in aerial warfare with a rival city state every human being participated in some struggle or conflict.
However, unlike the villages trapped on the planet's surface, the cloud wreathed city-states had established a tenuous stability despite their indiscriminate warfare which allowed them to focus on other pursuits such as astronomy and mathematics. Though they regularly faced eight legged sky-glider packs, spoor born brain-eater vines, the cloud peoples thrived. Their archeotech and ingenuity serving to cement their fractured authority over the inhabitants below.
The planet's topography largely consisted of a number of continents separated along the world's equator which largely consisted of heavy jungles pockmarked with certain mountainous areas. Numerous other climates existed upon the world, but their frequency was miniscule compared to the vast depths of the Chalchihuitlan jungle.
===Chalchihuitl===
The vibrant world of Chalchihuitl is an unassuming deathworld within the [segmentum]. Save for its habitability and the scores of asteroids which surrounded it, the planet bears little of note from space. The situation Planetside is an entirely different matter. Chalchihuitl is home to a vast ecosystem almost entirely hostile to human beings, from its plants and birds, to its mammalian predators, near every living thing on the planet poses danger to its homo-sapien inhabitants. Yet despite the overwhelming danger of their home humans have managed to survive, and in some cases thrive, on this world.
It is unknown how humans came upon this planet, or how they managed to populate the floating stone cities which peppered its surface. But what was certain was that Chalchihuitl was always in a state of war and violence. Whether you were a tribesman trapped in the green hell below the cities, or engaged in aerial warfare with a rival city state every human being participated in some struggle or conflict.
However, unlike the villages trapped on the planet's surface, the cloud wreathed city-states had established a tenuous stability despite their indiscriminate warfare which allowed them to focus on other pursuits such as astronomy and mathematics. Though they regularly faced eight legged sky-glider packs, spoor born brain-eater vines, the cloud peoples thrived. Their archeotech and ingenuity serving to cement their fractured authority over the inhabitants below.
The planet's topography largely consisted of a number of continents separated along the world's equator which largely consisted of heavy jungles pockmarked with certain mountainous areas. Numerous other climates existed upon the world, but their frequency was miniscule compared to the vast depths of the Chalchihuitlan jungle.
Last edited by Lord Captain Kitten on Mon Aug 10, 2015 6:23 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Additional Fluff on the Crimson Teeth's homeworld)
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Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lumey Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:45 am
So, I'd put off reviewing this because I don't find the CT very interesting, but as you were telling that angry Martian anon that I'd signed off on your stuff I guess I need to look at it...
This is a terrible sentence. The rest of the material on this siege is far too sketchy to call it "complete".
Another lousy sentence.
Actually, the whole section is badly-written! I can infer some of the ideas there, but the delivery leaves much to be desired. At least you go into a reasonable amount of depth.
The arctic is in the north. Beyond that, you're too heavy-handed with the talk of cold and it's pretty stupid to say they're immune to polite Imperial diplomacy and then say that Olakohl ignores even the pretext of diplomacy. If there's no negotiation, just get on with it!
I have only the faintest idea of what you want the reader to imagine. Is he triggering an avalanche? Avalanches travel at sub-sonic speeds, it's going to take more than moments to reach a city. Also, an orbital bombardment isn't likely in this period, because Mars isn't making warships for the Imperium.
What happened to the stone?
What's causing the smoke?
So, their mission is to kill everyone. Their lead element gets in because a bit of snow in the air can foil the air defences of an arctic fortress. They open the gates. Then they just leave.
This isn't a dramatic turn of phrase any more. It's trite and over-used.
Alright. For a Unification Wars battle, this is pretty odd. Most of the combat in this period was hand-to-hand due to Terra's dilapidated industry. For the CT to effectively win the battle then go back to bombardment is utterly wasteful. The epilogue is OK, over-written but not as bad as your usual standard.
I had to go back and check that you had declared this section "finished".
I'm not going to finish reviewing in detail, because you don't either. But I will say that this is some of the laziest, stupidest writing I've read in a long time - including throwaway remarks that people make on 4chan. It does't look like you've made any real progress on the Legion. You don't seem to have a good idea of where to go, the technical ability to convey your limited ideas, or the inclination to do the work.
You've been given a great many chances in this project, despite doing very little to deserve them. Far more able people have gotten a shorter treatment. As far as I can see, we have wasted a huge amount of time just putting up with you, let alone the effort others have put into trying to help you get somewhere with your writing. I implore you to do the decent thing and leave the project rather than be forced out.
Lord Captain Kitten wrote:The high success at the earliest stages of the invasion on Mount Yerushabim are non-indicative of the later conflict within the Yerushabic tunnels as the narrow paths limited them largely to frontal assaults.
This is a terrible sentence. The rest of the material on this siege is far too sketchy to call it "complete".
The Siege of the Caltaxian Super-fortress remains a notable event in the legion's early history for being the first time in over a decade that the legion acted as one.
Another lousy sentence.
Actually, the whole section is badly-written! I can infer some of the ideas there, but the delivery leaves much to be desired. At least you go into a reasonable amount of depth.The city of Orioc was the last non-compliant state to face the VII in the arctic. The ancient city-state was a mountain bound fortress located in the icebound south.
The arctic is in the north. Beyond that, you're too heavy-handed with the talk of cold and it's pretty stupid to say they're immune to polite Imperial diplomacy and then say that Olakohl ignores even the pretext of diplomacy. If there's no negotiation, just get on with it!
Captain Olakohl ignored all pretext of diplomacy and initiated an orbital barrage in the surrounding mountain range, within moments a massive avalanche of stone and ice crashed into the perimeter's of the city.
I have only the faintest idea of what you want the reader to imagine. Is he triggering an avalanche? Avalanches travel at sub-sonic speeds, it's going to take more than moments to reach a city. Also, an orbital bombardment isn't likely in this period, because Mars isn't making warships for the Imperium.
Though their walls and energy shields were sufficient in protecting against the worst of the debris the city became enveloped in a massive cloud of snow.
What happened to the stone?
Soon Imperial aircraft cut through the smoke,
What's causing the smoke?
dropping squads of assault marines on the city below.
In the maelstrom the VII sowed confusion, destroying Cannons along the walls, disabling their shields, and breaking down the gates. Then, just as quickly, they left.
So, their mission is to kill everyone. Their lead element gets in because a bit of snow in the air can foil the air defences of an arctic fortress. They open the gates. Then they just leave.
Then the fire came.
This isn't a dramatic turn of phrase any more. It's trite and over-used.
Using a combination of whirlwinds and Fire Raptors by the advisement of the (Sons of Fire Numeral designation) the VII immolated the city. Starting from it's center point and slowly expanding towards the walls, the VII forced the populace to flee their homes in order to escape the firestorm.
Alright. For a Unification Wars battle, this is pretty odd. Most of the combat in this period was hand-to-hand due to Terra's dilapidated industry. For the CT to effectively win the battle then go back to bombardment is utterly wasteful. The epilogue is OK, over-written but not as bad as your usual standard.
The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Operating in conjunction with the XVI the VII systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
I had to go back and check that you had declared this section "finished".
I'm not going to finish reviewing in detail, because you don't either. But I will say that this is some of the laziest, stupidest writing I've read in a long time - including throwaway remarks that people make on 4chan. It does't look like you've made any real progress on the Legion. You don't seem to have a good idea of where to go, the technical ability to convey your limited ideas, or the inclination to do the work.
You've been given a great many chances in this project, despite doing very little to deserve them. Far more able people have gotten a shorter treatment. As far as I can see, we have wasted a huge amount of time just putting up with you, let alone the effort others have put into trying to help you get somewhere with your writing. I implore you to do the decent thing and leave the project rather than be forced out.
Lumey- Posts : 75
Join date : 2015-07-30
Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lord Captain Kitten Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:40 am
- Spoiler:
- Lumey wrote:So, I'd put off reviewing this because I don't find the CT very interesting, but as you were telling that angry Martian anon that I'd signed off on your stuff I guess I need to look at it...Lord Captain Kitten wrote:The high success at the earliest stages of the invasion on Mount Yerushabim are non-indicative of the later conflict within the Yerushabic tunnels as the narrow paths limited them largely to frontal assaults.
This is a terrible sentence. The rest of the material on this siege is far too sketchy to call it "complete".The Siege of the Caltaxian Super-fortress remains a notable event in the legion's early history for being the first time in over a decade that the legion acted as one.
Another lousy sentence. Actually, the whole section is badly-written! I can infer some of the ideas there, but the delivery leaves much to be desired. At least you go into a reasonable amount of depth.The city of Orioc was the last non-compliant state to face the VII in the arctic. The ancient city-state was a mountain bound fortress located in the icebound south.
The arctic is in the north. Beyond that, you're too heavy-handed with the talk of cold and it's pretty stupid to say they're immune to polite Imperial diplomacy and then say that Olakohl ignores even the pretext of diplomacy. If there's no negotiation, just get on with it!Captain Olakohl ignored all pretext of diplomacy and initiated an orbital barrage in the surrounding mountain range, within moments a massive avalanche of stone and ice crashed into the perimeter's of the city.
I have only the faintest idea of what you want the reader to imagine. Is he triggering an avalanche? Avalanches travel at sub-sonic speeds, it's going to take more than moments to reach a city. Also, an orbital bombardment isn't likely in this period, because Mars isn't making warships for the Imperium.Though their walls and energy shields were sufficient in protecting against the worst of the debris the city became enveloped in a massive cloud of snow.
What happened to the stone?Soon Imperial aircraft cut through the smoke,
What's causing the smoke?dropping squads of assault marines on the city below.
In the maelstrom the VII sowed confusion, destroying Cannons along the walls, disabling their shields, and breaking down the gates. Then, just as quickly, they left.
So, their mission is to kill everyone. Their lead element gets in because a bit of snow in the air can foil the air defences of an arctic fortress. They open the gates. Then they just leave.Then the fire came.
This isn't a dramatic turn of phrase any more. It's trite and over-used.Using a combination of whirlwinds and Fire Raptors by the advisement of the (Sons of Fire Numeral designation) the VII immolated the city. Starting from it's center point and slowly expanding towards the walls, the VII forced the populace to flee their homes in order to escape the firestorm.
Alright. For a Unification Wars battle, this is pretty odd. Most of the combat in this period was hand-to-hand due to Terra's dilapidated industry. For the CT to effectively win the battle then go back to bombardment is utterly wasteful. The epilogue is OK, over-written but not as bad as your usual standard.The Sud Merica Liberation Campaign
Operating in conjunction with the XVI the VII systematically conquer Sud Merica's Warrior States.
I had to go back and check that you had declared this section "finished".
I'm not going to finish reviewing in detail, because you don't either. But I will say that this is some of the laziest, stupidest writing I've read in a long time - including throwaway remarks that people make on 4chan. It does't look like you've made any real progress on the Legion. You don't seem to have a good idea of where to go, the technical ability to convey your limited ideas, or the inclination to do the work.
You've been given a great many chances in this project, despite doing very little to deserve them. Far more able people have gotten a shorter treatment. As far as I can see, we have wasted a huge amount of time just putting up with you, let alone the effort others have put into trying to help you get somewhere with your writing. I implore you to do the decent thing and leave the project rather than be forced out.
Once again you are misconstruing my words and attacking when you dislike what you find. You have not provided any useful feedback thus far which is just as much a waste of your time as it is mine. I will continue to work on this incomplete fluff as per usual whether you are interested in it or not; you are not my boss.
Lord Captain Kitten- Posts : 30
Join date : 2015-06-10
Re: Crimson Teeth General Fiction
by Lumey Tue Aug 11, 2015 4:46 am
No problem, I'll take it to the group and see if anyone else wants to keep working with you.
Lumey- Posts : 75
Join date : 2015-07-30
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